Great Good Fortune to have found the path

I would like to start, and perhaps you will too, by telling how it is that I came to discover Buddha's teachings. All my life I have know Dharma, to some extent, without knowing it was Dharma. My parents were not religious people and so my religious upbringing consisted mainly of holiday celebrations. I went to Herew school briefly but never seemed to connect to the teachings there. The study of Torah and Hebrew seemed quite removed for me, however I was very interested in prayer. I would often sneak out of class and go to the prayer room and sit on the pew and recite gibberish Hebrew, mantra like, and imagine that God could understand what I was saying. I would Daven with great passion, prostration like and loved the idea of humbling myself before someone with omniscience. Other than that, the religion hold no meaning to me. I longed for explanation of who God was and how I could connect with him, but I never felt like that was being taught. Inevitably, I dropped out.
As a child I can remember my father locking the door to his bedroom when he wanted to meditate. I would peep though the keyhole of his room and see him sitting in lotus posture on a big red chair and I could see his lips moving while he recited, what I now know, was his mantra. It was fascinating to me. He would sit for very long periods of time doing this and I was always curious about what he was saying and thinking but for some reason I never asked him about it.
When I was about 12 I was invited to a friends communion and I was in awe of the ceremony. At one point we all had to stand in a line and have a priest place a wafer on our tongues that represented the body of Christ. It was so exhilarating to me, the ceremony more than anything else and I loved having to kneel before someone who supposedly had some direct connection to God. I think I was always searching for a spiritual guide but never quite knew how to find one.
As a young adult, I took a Torah class to see if perhaps I could find some deep conversations about the truth, however these classes proved to be a source of great confusion to me. There was one class that discussed something called Lush en Hora (sure that's not how its spelled) Anyway, Lush en Hora is a Jewish sin. It is the equivalent of divisive speech. It is the sin of speaking badly about others, which in itself is definitely something I agree is a delusion. However, the Jewish version of divisive speech refers only to speaking about other Jews. It is not a sin to speak badly of people who are not Jewish. This kind of blew my mind and it was then that I knew Judaism was not for me. It had always felt like an exclusionary religion and this idea had really solidified for me that perhaps the core principals of Judaism had been perverted and lost.
So I continued to search.
When I was 25 I met by first spiritual friend. He turned me onto a book called "Conversations with God"and in this book it spoke about a man who claimed to be having a one on one conversation directly with the all mighty. It was fascinating. The author asked direct questions and God answered him. So many of the responses seemed to run in direct parallel with what I believed. Ideas like how the commandments were guidelines to being happy. That they weren't commandments per say but actually just suggestions. That sin did not exist and that being happy came from simply being compassionate and that the commandments were suggestions on how to live a compassionate life. He spoke of karma and how good actions lead to positive minds and how negative actions led to isolation and confusion. He spoke of how we are all connected and that our true nature was one of unity and that through behaving with faith and love would bring happy minds to arise. So I began to experiment with the law of Karma.
I would begin each day by setting an intention to connect with strangers as if they were already friends. I would do things like buy an extra umbrella on a rainy day and seek out someone who was stuck in the rain without one and give them my extra umbrella. The reaction was incredible. I would begin disconnected and end up connecting to that person in a way that was so deep and meaningful. You can only imagine what it must have been like for a random person getting soaked to have a stranger hand them an umbrella. They would take it from me and and it would transform their mind from one of suffering to one of joy and connection and perhaps even reach the core of their belief that we are alone in this world. Several days after this experience I was myself caught out in the rain. As I entered the subway, a light drizzle began to fall and by the time I reached my destination it was pouring. I stood on the steps of the exit trying to figure out what to do, whether to wait it out or just run home and get drenched, when suddenly a man entering the subway stopped and hand me his umbrella, smiled, and walked in to the subway. It was an incredibly powerful moment for me and I began to feel a deep faith in karma.
Now, knowing that instant Karma rarely ripens in the same life, I find this event even more incredible. I began to wish for rain. I had so much joy in this little game that I began to buy umbrellas on rainy days and seek out homeless people to give them to. Living in the village this was an easy thing to find. Often I would stop and talk to them and get to know why it was that they became homeless and it brought me a deep feeling of compassion for their suffering.
Once when I was walking home in the rain I saw an old man walking without an umbrella and I offered to walk him home under my umbrella. It was magical. He ended up inviting me up to his apartment and we became great friends.
There was a woman who worked at the bank I would make my deposits at late on Friday nights after work. The bank would be closed and she would be inside vacuuming. She was an older Spanish woman and when I would see her I would often feel sad thinking about how a woman her age still had to work. I imagined that she was a grandma, with tons of grandchildren and I made up the idea in my head that she worked so she had enough money to buy them toys. I would always wave to her from behind the glass and smile. After many Fridays of doing this she came to recognise me and would always smile and wave when I came in. At Christmas that year I went to the bank to deposit my Christmas bonus from work. I deposited the check and was about to leave when I was suddenly struck with the realization that she would probably not be getting a Christmas bonus and I felt an overwhelming wish to share mine with her. I went back to the cash machine and decided to withdraw half of mine and share it with her. So I took the money and rolled it up in my hand. I knocked on the door and she came over. I asked her to open the door because I wanted to give something to her. When she did, I wished her a Merry Christmas and put the money all rolled up into her hand. I smiled and left. When I got half way down the street I looked back and she was standing by the door of the back waving so excitedly at me and smiling. I had never felt so such a powerful feeling of connection and bliss in my life. It was as if I was walking on a cloud. Elation. And I knew that somehow I had tapped into something incredibly powerful. I felt perhaps like this was the very first time I had done something truly virtuous. The good feeling stayed with me for several days but the realization has remained always. Every year after that I would share my bonus with her. One year I remember giving her the whole thing. I would hand it to her and imagine all the gifts she could give to her grandchildren. I thought about how this one act would cause a ripple effect and that that positive energy would transform others. Christmas became my favorite time of year.
I spent my days constantly thinking about ways in which I could change the world, connect to the world, with simple gestures of giving. I would buy flowers on my way home from work and hand them out to people who I passed that looked sad, or troubled. Sometimes this lead to amazing conversations and other times it simply was a beautiful moment that allowed me to feel like everyone is this world was a possible friend.
The more my life began to focus on this practise of giving the more good things seemed to happen to me. And I decided to write a book about these experiences. The book was to be called "God has a crush on me" and it was all about how I felt protected from unhappiness. SO many good things kept happening to me but all of them simply led to a wish to do more, to connect more.
That summer I planned a trip to Spain. I was going to go there for a month and travel around talking Spanish lessons for one week at different branched of this Spanish school in 4 different cities. I had met a girl on the Internet who was looking for someone to pen pal so she could work on her English. We would write each other emails in each other's language and then correct each others mistakes. This went on for several weeks before I left. Rebecca lived in Barcelona which was my first stop along my tour. She offered to pick me up at the airport and drive me to the school. I found this gesture so touching and accepted her offer.
The day before I was to leave I was walking to the store. As I was walking when I saw two young guys sitting on a stoop. I smiled and they smiled. Then I remembered that I wanted to go get my ipod at home so I turned around and went back to get it. When I walked passed them again one of them said to me "hi. where are you going?" I said I was going to the store and asked what they were doing. They said they were in a jam and were trying to figure out what to do. I asked if they wanted to walk with me and they said "sure." During our walk they told me that they were from Turkey and that they had come to the US to be cartoonist. That they had gotten hooked up with a job service in Turkey and were offered an opportunity to come here to do cartooning for a company in New York City. They were told that they would fly into Pennsylvania and from there someone would pick them up and drive them to the job, however when they arrive they were actually driven to a small town there and told there were to paint houses. They didn't have much money and didn't know what to do. They ended up painting houses and living in a rundown place till they could save up enough money to buy bus tickets to NY. They had an uncle here but had no way to get in touch with him. When they finally saved up enough money, they ran away. They had arrived on the bus just a few hours before and were now sitting on the stoop trying to figure out what to do next. They could not locate their uncle, their family could not afford to help them get home and they were stuck. I am not a naive woman and I had been living in the city for most of my life and i had a great deal of confidence in the fact that I could read people's nature. They seemed like honest, sincere guys and my heart went out to them. I told them that I was leaving for Spain the very next day and I offered that they stay in my apartment while I was gone. At first they were very confused. They said their English was not that great and they weren't even sure if they were understanding me. They said they didn't have any money to pay me for rent and i just smiled. "You can stay there for free" I told them. And then, they understood. This moment, stands out for me as another moment that I hold in my heart as priceless. I have never seem two people so overwhelmed with joy, love, and connection. I told them they were welcome to come home with me and crash on the floor/couch that night. We stayed up much of the night talking and after getting to know them a little bit better I knew I was making the right decision. I left in the morning, handed them my keys and hugged them good-bye as if we had been friends our whole lives.
When I arrived in Spain I sat in the airport for a few minutes thinking about Rebecca and her boyfriend Jose who were going to pick me up. This was either going to be great or I was maybe going to get kidnapped and sold in to prostitution. I guess I was prepared for either. When they arrived I could tell from the very first moment that I was among friends. They didn't really speak much English and my Spanish was still pretty rusty so communication was quite funny. They offered to bring me back to their house for lunch and I accepted. When we arrived Jose cooked us the most wonderful food. Afterward they told me that it was traditional to take a siesta after lunch and they led me to the bedroom and told me I could nap there. As I lied there in the bed I felt as if I was in a dream. Here I was in a strange country, with people I hardly knew about to sleep in their bed. I felt so happy, so safe and like I was tapping into something so magical.
While in Barcelona, I saw them several times and enjoyed my time there so very much. When the week was over and it was time to move onto Sevilla I felt sad to go. They drove me to the train and we said our good-byes, and again I felt as if I was saying good-bye to old friends.
Throughout my trip I sent them emails about my experiences. I explored Spain with the same energy of openness and made so many new friends. I would often eat breakfast in the same place everyday and came to know the people working there and felt like they too were part of my extended family. I often had dinner with strangers I had met though out the course of my day and as time went on my Spanish got good enough that I was able to really connect. No-one spoke English but it didn't ever matter. My last week was to be spent in Madrid. The day before I was to leave I got an email from Rebecca. She wrote to ask me to consider changing my plans and not going to Madrid but instead go stay with her family in Granada. She would not be there, but she had told her family all about me and they very much wanted me to come. I was taken back for a moment but had felt so good about everything else that had gone on so far that I decided to take them up on the offer. I changed my plans, cancelled by week at the school and bought a train ticket to Granada. When I arrived I felt a bit anxious about getting of the train and trying to figure out who her parents were, but as I got off the train, I saw this huge crowd of people standing there with a sign that said my name on it. There must have been at least 15 of them. Her whole family had come to pick me up. ;-) It was surreal. They took me back to their house. They spoke not a word of English and our conversations were hysterical. I never quite knew if we were really understanding each other but it didn't ever seem to matter. Her parents were retired. They were in their late 50's, had been married since high school and were more in love than any two people I had ever met. The whole week they treated me as if I was there long lost child. They took me everywhere, showed me everything, cooked for me, taught me about traditional Spanish life, food, culture and kindness. They never ever, no matter how hard I tried, ever let me pay for anything. And at night they would both come to my room and literally, tuck me into bed and kiss me on the far head. Again, I can't really put words to the emotions. It gave me such a strong faith in humanity. It was as if I was living in a pure land. There were times I seriously debated moving in with them. But eventually, the week ended and it was time to go home. As I boarded the train back to Barcelona and took my seat, I looked out the window and there they were, arm wrapped around each other waving good-bye. I cried from sorrow and joy.
When I return home I walked into my apartment. It was spotless, except for the many pictures hanging all over the place. My Turkish friends had drawn tons of cartoons for me, depicting their experiences that month. My fridge was filled with food and there was a note on my bed saying that they had finally found their uncle who gave them enough money to return to Turkey. The note was filled with such love and gratitude. They said they would return home to Turkey and tell everyone they knew that the people in NYC were not to be believed. That they were kind and friendly and so warm and generous.
Once again I knew my mind had been transformed.
Still I had not formally met the Dharma.
I shared these experiences with my friends and mostly they thought I had lost my mind. They felt I was too trusting and that at some point I was going to get screwed. During these times I was always of two minds, one that was totally connected to the world on a very deep and personal level and the other that felt somewhat like a unicorn among a herd of horses. I was constantly discussing the realizations I was having and yet i could not find anyone who shared my beliefs.
During this time my mind was constantly energized and I would have a great deal of trouble falling asleep. And after a while I began to be tired during the day. I decided I needed to find a way to relax at bedtime. I thought perhaps learning to meditate would help. So, I looked online for a mediation center. I discovered CBC. I went to a Monday night GP and was blown away. That weekend Genla was going to be giving an empowerment and I registered to go for the Friday night talk. I had to work the next day and I knew I couldn't make it to the empowerment (whatever that was) but I still thought the Friday night talk would be interesting. What an understatement. There were so many people at the church. I sat alone, close to the front. When Genla came out I was immediately mesmerized. I had never seen a Buddhist nun before. She sat down to speak and her voice sounded to me like a song. Her accent was so beautiful and the way she spoke was completely captivating. She spoke about suffering. She spoke about Buddha and enlightenment and how Dharma was the GPS to happiness and freedom. She spoke about compassion and about suffering. About how ignorance was the mind that caused us to feel a sense of disconnection from other living beings. I sat, crying. Feeling for the first time in my life that I had finally found what I had been searching for. I knew at that moment that I was sitting among a herd of unicorns and that I was finally home.
From there I began to attend Monday and Thursday GP's. Each of Kadam's teachings were like nectar for my starving mind. Each new person I met at the center amazed me. Could it be that there was a whole group of people that also believed in love and compassion? Could it be that there was a whole group of people who were also on a path to connect to others, to become better, to become kinder, more loving and generous? I almost could not believe it was real.
This is how I came to know Kadam Dharma. This is how I came to find my spiritual guide. This is how I came to find you, my Sangha. At times I still need to pinch myself at this great good fortune to have found you all.
I hope you will take a moment and share how you came to find this amazing opportunity and from there we can begin to know each other better and connect.

Sangha Blog

I am creating this blog for the purpose of creating a modern Sangha. We are all so busy these days that I thought it might be nice to have a spot we could all check in and share our ideas about our practice without the pressure of commitment. Perhaps with the increasingly degenerate times we need access to Dharma on the fly.
I hope that this idea strikes a chord with those of you who would love a place to share ideas about your practice and to hear what others have to say as well. Our class discussions always seem to short for my taste and there is always so much left unsaid. Perhaps we can say it here and find some unity, encouragement and insight. I hope we can delve deep and grow here together.